I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
