Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
