I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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