drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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