I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
