People in love make me want to vomit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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