In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
