i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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