Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
