There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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