I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
