He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
