I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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