I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
