don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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