Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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