well you can't waste a boner
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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