YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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