just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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