the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
