I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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