Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
