I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
