They should really pass out barf bags in church
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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