Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my poor anus
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
