Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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