Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
