So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
