T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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