Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
