you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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