I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
