I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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