Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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