that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
do herpes really smell.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
