3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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