i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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