The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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