she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
