Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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