My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
