I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
