i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Enjoy the penises
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
