i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
