this boner is exhausting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
