toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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