fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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