Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
