so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
