I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
