Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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