i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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