I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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