I'm really into asian looking animals
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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