She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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