i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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