Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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