Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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