I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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