Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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