do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
