What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
