ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize