I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
