If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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