Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
