we have pet lesbian snakes
She announced her abortion via fbk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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